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| "The Beautiful One," 24x36, oil on canvas, 2016 |
Wednesday, March 25, 2020
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| "Eleanor" 18x24, pastel on paper, 2015
The model in this piece was nonbinary. I remember when we made eye contact for the first time, and their eyes said, "I see you."
Eleanor almost seemed like they resented being a model. The goldfish was projected onto their body; drawing in the dark is a considerable challenge! |
Tuesday, March 24, 2020
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| "Amy" 18x24, pastel on paper, 2016 |
When I originally presented this piece, a critique it received was that the middle finger made her seem "too angry." I beg to differ; the middle finger is, of course, meant to be dismissive. However, if you wanted to interpret it as anger, surely the anger would be justified, considering that the average life expectancy of trans women is 35.
Amy was my best friend. Her life was most certainly challenging from birth. But, she was resilient, and whip smart. She was working on her degree in sociology when I knew her.
She was the first person who appreciated my gender for what it really was. My husband accepted and loved me still, but Amy had many of the same experiences as I had in relation to gender. We related on multiple levels: being from broken homes, being mostly (but not always) femme-aligned, having anxiety, depression, and PTSD. We could appreciate each other.
Our acquaintance ended when I found out she had been endangering my very small child by simultaneously living in my house and hiding an addiction from me. What if my child had gone into her room when she wasn't home, as children are often wont to do? I couldn't risk their safety. I panicked, and asked her to leave.
It may not have been the most ethical course of action. All I knew, was that I had to put my baby first.
I also felt betrayed. And lied to. But, that part, I've learned to forgive. When you find people who understand you the way she and I understood each other, it is easy to find ways to forgive them.
Amy was my best friend. Her life was most certainly challenging from birth. But, she was resilient, and whip smart. She was working on her degree in sociology when I knew her.
She was the first person who appreciated my gender for what it really was. My husband accepted and loved me still, but Amy had many of the same experiences as I had in relation to gender. We related on multiple levels: being from broken homes, being mostly (but not always) femme-aligned, having anxiety, depression, and PTSD. We could appreciate each other.
Our acquaintance ended when I found out she had been endangering my very small child by simultaneously living in my house and hiding an addiction from me. What if my child had gone into her room when she wasn't home, as children are often wont to do? I couldn't risk their safety. I panicked, and asked her to leave.
It may not have been the most ethical course of action. All I knew, was that I had to put my baby first.
I also felt betrayed. And lied to. But, that part, I've learned to forgive. When you find people who understand you the way she and I understood each other, it is easy to find ways to forgive them.
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